Dear Son (holding you in confinement)

Dear Son,

In this moment of confinement where I find myself holding you and feeling your love through my bones, I am able to plunge into your gaze and see what we humans call “Eternity”.

In this moment of confinement, I have never felt so at peace.

It’s like the rules constructed to make human sense out of unfathomable phenomena no longer exist in your eyes,

and there is a time space continuum travelling in and out through you evoking light where man has never been.

You are the worm hole that leads me to the divine in a heartbeat.

And just like that, confined in the blink of your eye, I feel free.

I love you, my son.

Mama

Confinement with your man

Confinement with your man

Sorry – Confinement with your kids and your 2 seconds of romance with your man in an endless quarantine

As you all know, the whole world is on lockdown. If you are a child, you are probably having the best time of your life. Your parents are too exhausted to bathe you everyday. A little dirt on a 4 year old won’t kill nobody. You do not have to wake up early for school BUT FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON YOU STILL WAKE UP EARLY and do what you feel like. Yes, you do because your parents are still trying to catch up on their very short night’s sleep.

Night is when you can finally get some proper work done.

If you are a child in a grown up body, aka an adult: life is not as much fun. Bills won’t pay themselves if you twiddle your thumbs (or anything else you like to twiddle). So you try to set boundaries and rules and breaks —> Wake up in the morning, take a shower, eat a fruit. Then you scream at your kids so they eat a fruit and don’t only eat half and leave the rest on the couch underneath the blanket….because you may or may not have sat down on half a banana the other day. Hey! At least it was ripe. 

Anyway, now that you may or may not have had to change your clothes to get rid of a squashed banana on your left butt cheek, you have lost about 30 minutes of your time and more emails have come in your inbox. When you finally get to start it’s about 10.30, you’ve only written 3 emails and been interrupted 99 times because there is a little person who loves to chat with you, but only does it when you are trying to have a professional phone call. You excuse yourself from your team for the 35 seconds you took to mute your mic so you could shout and threaten to turn the TV off or take away somebody’s (won’t point any fingers) toys.

Meanwhile, your man is doing a very very good job.

Well, you are making him think that you think he is doing a very good job. Your man needs to feel like his mere existence, his socks in the living room and his shirtless (luckily for you – muscular) torso are doing a very, very good job. What’s important at this point is not that you stay together at all times (whether it is parents, siblings, mates/spouses or children, nobody likes to be with somebody 24/7). What’s important is….that you make sure your time together is positive and potentially romantic.

Meaning, right after lunchtime is the best time to get the kids to nap. This means that you have time for one kiss and possibly more. DO NOT use that time to talk about kids or bills! DO NOT talk. Talking time is going to be a different time, preferably when the kids are awake. Kids nap time is for your romance. Make sure their bellies are full to increase the chances of the nap lasting more than 20 minutes. 

And there you have it guys, confinement with your colleagues in one ear, your kids in the other, and your man in between the tiny breaks.

I predict there is going to be a lot of “Confinement” babies by the end of the year 🙂

Letter to my son (Dear Son)

Dear child of mine,

yet again my love for you overwhelms me. Yet again your eyes enlighten me. Yet again your smile and every breath you take inspire me to be…

To be.

I have never known a better sense of self and identity before you. And as you lay before me I realise I had no life before you. I realise that before made no sense until I had to be, for you.

I feel like there is a power greater than my own and it keeps me going. I feel like there is a borrowed strength passing through me and I lean on it effortlessly. And as I lean yet again, I am shown the hardest path, but I walk on it easily.

Today you hurt yourself as any child would when he learns to walk. As I merely approached, you put your arms towards me, you knew that I was coming for you. How did you know? How do you know? How do you caress my heart sometimes and breathe? Who told you that my heart was heavy? How do you lock eyes with me and smile on purpose when you see me pensive. How do you carry the sun in your gaze and shine light on me? Who told you that my soul was lonely?

Anyone who knows me knows that I write. Anyone who knows me knows that I write only when I’m inspired by the good, by the bad. Not so long ago I used to write whenever I felt deep sadness but I did it in such a way that no one who did not know me would know. Anyone who knows me now knows that my new inspiration stems from pure love no matter how hard it may be. 

Child, I pray you keep inspiring me as you do now. I especially pray that I will somehow inspire you to be a man of honour, a man who helps and a man who shares. I pray that I will inspire you to be a man who loves even more so than I love you.

Your mommy,

Flying Fish

A journey of self discovery from the scaly world.

It’s like I’ve been swimming above water, holding my breath.

Everything seems to be so far away, yet so close….

Am I flying? I’m not sure where I am. All I can see is movement. Colours. All I can hear is the crashing sound of the waves.

And the rain.

Suddenly I am not alone. I can feel their presence jumping as if they are telling me to stay afloat.

They push me and push me and push me… I’m scared.

Now I’m beginning to blame myself. Perhaps I should have stayed right where I was, and continued thinking that the world above was exactly what they said it was: cold and empty.

“If you jump you will die”, they said.

“If you stand out, they will catch you”, they said.

“Conform”.

“Follow”.

“Don’t think”, they said.

Should I thank you, God, for giving me wings? They gave me hope, they made me fly and for an instant I felt so free.

Then I’d plunge back in and think that next time, I would fly higher. I’d stay above longer. In school that’s how it goes anyway.

I always had this feeling like I didn’t belong. I was neither here nor there.

Neither was I able to choose. Air or water? I need more time.

I can hardly breathe now and the rain is falling.

I can hardly move now and my heart is dying.

A net is holding my life.

I cannot move and yet they call me: Flying Fish.

Who is writing?

I’m human at best. Using this platform to share and transform words into journeys of love, even when it was not initially planted. Growing in different parts of the world and with different backgrounds, I want to use every bit of good from everywhere as fertiliser for my personal growth, emotional growth and spiritual connections.

Being of multiple backgrounds helps give me perspective, with no judgement (or as little as I can have) especially as it relates to being a mother which you will find helps shape the way I write.

I hope you will find in my posts that in some or many ways, you are not alone. And perhaps I can help put words into what many of us are already feeling.

I look forward to embarking in this with you, discovering new realms of my mind by your side.