Letter to my son (Dear Son)

Dear child of mine,

yet again my love for you overwhelms me. Yet again your eyes enlighten me. Yet again your smile and every breath you take inspire me to be…

To be.

I have never known a better sense of self and identity before you. And as you lay before me I realise I had no life before you. I realise that before made no sense until I had to be, for you.

I feel like there is a power greater than my own and it keeps me going. I feel like there is a borrowed strength passing through me and I lean on it effortlessly. And as I lean yet again, I am shown the hardest path, but I walk on it easily.

Today you hurt yourself as any child would when he learns to walk. As I merely approached, you put your arms towards me, you knew that I was coming for you. How did you know? How do you know? How do you caress my heart sometimes and breathe? Who told you that my heart was heavy? How do you lock eyes with me and smile on purpose when you see me pensive. How do you carry the sun in your gaze and shine light on me? Who told you that my soul was lonely?

Anyone who knows me knows that I write. Anyone who knows me knows that I write only when I’m inspired by the good, by the bad. Not so long ago I used to write whenever I felt deep sadness but I did it in such a way that no one who did not know me would know. Anyone who knows me now knows that my new inspiration stems from pure love no matter how hard it may be. 

Child, I pray you keep inspiring me as you do now. I especially pray that I will somehow inspire you to be a man of honour, a man who helps and a man who shares. I pray that I will inspire you to be a man who loves even more so than I love you.

Your mommy,

Flying Fish

A journey of self discovery from the scaly world.

It’s like I’ve been swimming above water, holding my breath.

Everything seems to be so far away, yet so close….

Am I flying? I’m not sure where I am. All I can see is movement. Colours. All I can hear is the crashing sound of the waves.

And the rain.

Suddenly I am not alone. I can feel their presence jumping as if they are telling me to stay afloat.

They push me and push me and push me… I’m scared.

Now I’m beginning to blame myself. Perhaps I should have stayed right where I was, and continued thinking that the world above was exactly what they said it was: cold and empty.

“If you jump you will die”, they said.

“If you stand out, they will catch you”, they said.

“Conform”.

“Follow”.

“Don’t think”, they said.

Should I thank you, God, for giving me wings? They gave me hope, they made me fly and for an instant I felt so free.

Then I’d plunge back in and think that next time, I would fly higher. I’d stay above longer. In school that’s how it goes anyway.

I always had this feeling like I didn’t belong. I was neither here nor there.

Neither was I able to choose. Air or water? I need more time.

I can hardly breathe now and the rain is falling.

I can hardly move now and my heart is dying.

A net is holding my life.

I cannot move and yet they call me: Flying Fish.